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At the end of a terrible day I lay my head down and wait for sleep, knowing in the morning the world will be different.

My brain will rest from this trying day and start again anew tomorrow, after The Earth has spun enough to bring The Sun back.

I wonder if The Sun ever has a trying day, if she ever feels tired or beaten down; I wonder if even light itself can become exhausted and wish, if but for a moment, she could stop and sleep, and reset again anew.

She has never been so selfish to us, as to take a moment for herself; she has always stayed, steady and shining for her entire world. To feel worn and still have the strength to shed light on every surface seems like a beautiful existence, she will burn out eventually and join all the other stars long gone before her, but to have lived an existence so selfless and true, to have been light, and shared light and been remembered as the brightest, strongest star, seems to me to be simple perfection.

So now at the end of a terrible day I lay my head down and think about all the beauty I saw, all the laughter I heard, even though I’m worn and tired, I think about every smile I received in return of my smile; I think about how I am not perfect, but how perhaps I’m that much closer to The Sun.

To The Light.

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Indifference

Black and White - Anton Surkov
Black and White – Anton Surkov

Love and Hate are not opposites; Love and Hate are twins, both residing within one heart. They dress in matching red, and can make you feel so alive you could die from the pressure.

Tricking and teasing us, these mischievous twins. One stepping in to save the other when they can no longer withstand the relentless walls of the heart beating away at them.

Only when both Love and Hate have been beaten down beyond exhaustion, do we meet their opposite.

Hate is not the opposite of Love; the opposite of Love is Indifference, steel grey and unyielding, Indifference stills the beating walls and only silence remains.

Doesn’t it just grow back? (adult)

I’m not really one for a one-night stands, but this one night out ‘celebrating’ the end of a terrible relationship, alcohol informed me, I was in fact into one-night stands on this particular occasion.

My friend introduces me to this guy, she says, “you guys both go to SAIT, you’re welcome”

Now.. I don’t really drink, so I get rather very extremely drunk.. This guy had the pleasure of listening to me puke, rubbing my back, and falling asleep beside me for a few hours; oh but don’t worry, he wasted no time in the morning. (I know you were worried, you were thinking, where is this going?)

I woke up to a boner pressed against my leg, super hung over, super disoriented, and before I could even start to form a thought that might lead to an audible sound, he is on top of me.

He is kissing my neck, my chest, biting my nipple.. Okay really biting it… OKAY TRYING TO BITE IT OFF?!

I yelp,

~~Oh my God did this guy just try and bite my nipple off? Who is this guy?~~

So I ask, “Are you trying to bite it off?!”

He says, “..wouldn’t it just grow back?”

I bluntly respond, “I need to go home now..”

So I experienced my first and last one-night stand. I value my nipples, we have been together for 23 years, I like the little guys.

Signed,

No.. They don’t grow back

There are only moments to live for.

EStbt

~~Reflection~~
I’ve grown a lot since 2011 in many ways, but having the ability to look back and see that my fundamental values and outlook on life are about the same is a very grounding feeling.
Sometimes you can feel 100 miles from the path you started on, the one you’re trying so desperately to get back to, because you lack perspective; if you could      zoom out, you might just find it’s feet away, hidden by the trees.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

I hate when people say things like “I guess it’s different when you’re younger and have your whole life ahead of you.”

So when you’re 65 you should just give it up cause you don’t have your whole life ahead of you? In our society, our general mentality seems to be that the young have their whole lives and as the years pass we seem to have less and less opportunity, less life to live.

If right now I were to live till I was 88 I would have 60 years of life ahead of me, of opportunity and experience.
If I were 60 right now and lived till 61, I would have 1 year to live my life however I wanted to live it.
Your life isn’t over until your heart stops beating and nobody knows when that will be.
You get a diagnoses, you only have 3 months left; 1 year later you’re still alive, have you cheated death, or have you just kept living?
If you have one day left, is that not your whole life ahead of you?
If you have 60 years, is that not the same thing?
I don’t understand why life is measured in the amount of time we have to create a ‘moment’ and not simply the moments themselves.
You can have more profound moments in one day than in hundreds of day; if we all lived, not to seek more time, but to seek more moments, wouldn’t that be  better goal?

Feminem? or A$AP foxy?

**I’ve dropped out of SAIT to follow my true calling, becoming a famous rapper.**

IMG_9475

We’ve been through a lot
I fought so hard to get your love
Everyday you were on my mind
Your smile
Eyes
Lips
Damn, you shine
You are magic
You are light
You made my whole world go bright
Bright with opportunity
Happiness
Joy
I told you I hated people
Now I talk to strangers everyday
You move me
I love you
Why couldn’t you stay
Why couldn’t you love me in that way
I feel so angry
Lost
Where the magic go

You tell me that it’s over
That somethings holding you back
This hand on your chest
Keeping you trapped

You tell me I don’t want you
That I don’t want a half
Half a heart
Half a soul
Half a partnership
In fact
Bitch don’t tell me what I want
I wanted you
I want you back

But I understand
I see your reason
I get it now
And I don’t need you

But I hold you there
In the corner of my heart
I hold out hope
One day the clock will strike
The time will be right
For you and I
And the magic will ignite

Thank you.

 

ESthrowback

Welcome to Everyday Samantha, a little piece of me splattered here in messy vibrancy.

I write what moves me, I have no real plan or structure set out for this blog; just sharing myself, my thoughts, my views, and my stories with you, dear stranger.

So, thank you.

 

There’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst… and then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.